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Tipsy Pilgrim is the miscellaneous guide to drinking games, sexual dalliance, and random amusing diversions from the great social traditions across the planet. 

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Tipsy Pilgrim Reads & Recommends

LOVE & SEX
Savage Love — Advice.
Dating Research from OKCupid — Amusing statistical analysis of Americans' dating habits.
Sex at Dawn — Human beings are promiscuous. 

TRAVEL
Google Translate — Understand foreign websites.
Inter-city ride sharing sites in FranceGermany and the USA
Trains — Google the relevant country's network, don't buy through agencies. Passes are almost always a waste of money.
When you must destroy the world by flying, ITA Software generally finds the cheapest flights. Saraiva Viagens has cheap flights within Brazil (in Portuguese) and Rumbo is good for flying to Spain. 
In Your Pocket — Free downloadable city guides for otherwise uncovered areas (mainly Eastern Europe). 
Frugal Traveler — Seth Kugel revels in cheap. 

DRINKING & EATING
Bituroscope — The best, hip, cheap bars in Paris and around the world. (In French, but mainly just pictures and addresses.)
Archeovore — Paleo diet blueprint.
HuntGatherLove — Paleo diet culture. 
David Lebovitz — French eating in English. 

GENERALLY ENTERTAINING
Combat! Blog — Dan Brooks writes exquisitely about America's most insipid thinkers.
Hendrik Hertzberg — A radical who wants crazy shit like the direct, popular vote for Americans.
El fem fatal — Fine, obsessive literature about small toys and other disasters. (In Catalan.)
Johanna Thomé de Souza — TP's resident artist does beautiful illustrations, as well as some cartoons. (In French and Portuguese, but mostly pictures.)
David Byrne Radio — Great, eclectic online music radio.
Africa No 1 — Pan-African music and news. (In French.) 
Harper's Weekly Review — The only news you need to know in three weekly paragraphs. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Saturday
Aug252012

Vodka-Red Bull is bullshit — opt for the caffeinated cocktail of Spanish sailors

TP is visiting Barcelona this week and just discovered the carajillo, Spain's espresso/alcholic shot mix. Oh, carajillo, where have you been all of my life?

As with anything worth putting in your mouth, the carajillo is storied. The word supposedly derives from coraje ("courage") and the tale goes that Spanish sailors in Cuba drank this rum mixed with coffee for bravery. Or carajillo might also come from carajo, which can refer to a dick but is more usually used as a vulgar intensifier.

Here's the official Tipsy Pilgrim recipe:

Pour a shot (cognac, brandy, whiskey, rum)

Add a shot of espresso

Add sugar, if you must

Salud!

Wednesday
Aug222012

"Marry me, darling, for I have cows!" — picking up girls in a disappearing tongue

Galician is uniquely rich in fixed expressions for that romantic-but-vexing moment when a man sees something he'd like to fuck. Many languages have one or two of their own clichéd versions of "do you come here often?" but Galician, in spite of losing its lexical footing a bit as it mixes with Spanish, is balls-out prolific with its pickup lines.

Galician is the language of Galicia, a mostly rural area in the northwest of the Iberian peninsula (you are perhaps more familiar with Galician's southern cousin, Portuguese). As a function of its agricultural context, the language's pickup lines evince an obsession with tractors (you can be as pretty as one, or as turbo-charged in your humping) and cows (owning them makes you desirable).

Most importantly, this is apparently the only language to have coined a term for the sound made by finger-banging.

Galician women are known for being agarimosas (affectionate) and also for being decisive — once they set their sights on you they'll stop at nothing to have you and keep you. But at the same time they can be relatively cold to strangers; my guess is that the following were developed over many evenings of compounding sexual frustration. (It's certainly not the only example of linguistic creativity born out of misery.)

 

We'll finish on a video of a rather inebriated Galician making excellent use of that last item, fuch fuch. This video has gone viral, giving him renown throughout Galicia; one assumes that as a result of this performance he has never heard the sweet sound since. Someone took the trouble to subtitle the version below.

My favorite line: "It's not polite to talk about people, but..."

I'd like to thank my Galician sources, Marina Sánchez and Xurxo Salgado, for their help in editing and translating these. As I was writing this, Marina was kind enough dispatch a last-minute addition:

Mose,

I'm in a family dinner right now and they've just reminded me of the following:

Pegariache unha lambetada de cona a cu e de cu a cona que non vas a saber si correrte ou cagarte de gusto.

I'd lick you up and down between your asshole and your pussy so much you won't know if you feel like shitting or coming!

My god, what nonsense!

Thanks Marina. I hope you were able to enjoy the rest of your dinner.

 

Thursday
Aug092012

What do inanimate objects say in French?

Tagada tagada tagada ! Boum ! Pan ! Prout prout prout ! 

The following table will aid in communication with inanimate French objects.

Tipsy Pilgrim also has a guide for communicating with the young and animate French.

Monday
Jul092012

The rare and wonderful things to get drunk on in Catalunya

You'll recall that in Catalonia, the women are hot, the sailors are drunk, and the grandparents get started on their vermut before noon. I assume, darlings, that you have absorbed this blog's wisdom quite nearly become Catalans.

But how, you ask, scratching your mulleted heads, nervously twisting your pantalons cagats, should we get drunk in this lovely land? Or, more precisely, on what?

So here it is, your ....

 

Guide to What to Drink and How to Order in Catalunya

Vi negre — Literally “black wine”, these are often quite powerful reds; famous among them are the officially designated regions (D.O. or Denominació d’Origen) of Priorat and neighboring Montsant. At old-style wine shops in Catalonia you can still bring your own jug or plastic water bottle and fill it with ultra-cheap wine from a barrel.

Vi blanc — Many white wines are dry; one region to look for is Alella.

Cava — Sparkling wine (a.k.a. champagne); nearly all sparkling wine from the Iberian peninsula comes from the Catalan region of Penedès. Catalonia is the world’s second largest producer of sparkling wine after the French region of Champagne.

Aigua de València — “Valencian water” is a cocktail that combines cava, orange juice, vodka and ginger in varying ratios. It was invented by the painter Constante Gil and reached its heyday in the Valencian nightlife in the 1970s. Today, his signature drink remains more famous than his art.

Birra — Just order “una canya” to get a draft beer; you will most likely be served Estrella or a similar light concoction from Barcelona’s Damm brewery. Catalan microbrews include Keks from Girona, Catalonia’s first buckwheat beer; and the microbrewery Cerversera del Montseny, whose beers Lupulus Iberian Ale, Malta Pale Ale, and Negra Stout are the only Catalan microbrews available in the States.

Aiguardent — A “firewater” distilled from leftovers from winemaking.

Ratafia — An herbal digestif; some families in the Catalan countryside have their own secret recipes passed down through generations.

VermutVermouth.

Estomacal Bonet — Officially sold as “El Gran Liquor Bonet”, this is an artisanal herbal brandy of great traditional stature in Catalonia.

Les Herbes Eivissenques — An anise liquor from Ibiza infused with and distilled from a wide variety of herbs.

Orxata de xufes — A cold, refreshing, nonalcoholic beverage from Valencia, made from the extract of nutritious tubers known as xufes (sometimes called tigernuts in English, or chufas as in Spanish), sugar and water. It is best consumed in the summer at specialist orxaterias, which also offer sweet pastries. Orxata made from xufes that meet government quality requirements is labeled Denominació d’Origen by the Valencian government.

Aromes de Montserrat — Traditional liquor made by the monks at the tourist hotspot monastery high above Barcelona.

Cremat — Literally, “burned”. This is a flaming brandy-rum caffeinated cocktail.

Beguda del pobre — From the region of Lleida, this “drink of the poor” is made from oranges, anise, and sugar.

Absenta — Catalonia is one of the world’s hotspots for absinthe consumption and production.

Crema catalana — When referring to desert, “Catalan cream” is the same as what the French call a crème brûlée. When referring to drinks, however, crema catalana means a cream liquor. A popular brand is Crema Catalana Melody.

 

Feel I'm missing anything important? Leave a note in the comments!

 

Photo: A bottle of ratafia. Credit: Yeza.

Tuesday
Jun052012

My Frenchman is a great lay but he's draining my pocketbook

Dear Tipsy Pilgrim,

I am a 32-year-old American woman who has recently taken on a French lover. While his 24 years is quite a blessing in the sack, he’s becoming a bit of a burden to my pocketbook. When we go to dinner or out to a show, he never brings quite enough cash, and I have to cover him. Just last week, he accompanied me on a rather expensive group outing that I had planned; everyone else in the group coughed up their share, but Frenchy Boy has yet to place a dime in my hand, despite his promise to do so once he "found a cash machine." What do you think is the proper way to ask him for the money he owes me?

— Creative Professional Banging Frenchie

 

You say he's "gainfully employed", but I take it he makes a bit less than you? This is not uncommon when dating someone younger...

--TP

 

Nope. His salary is three times what mine is. 

— CPBF

 

Well I was going to call on you to stop taking your poor boyfriend on fancy outings (or else to pay for them yourself) but clearly that’s not the issue. Frenchy Boy is being a dick. It may help you to know that in France (compared to the States) there is certainly even more expectation that men pay for dates and treat their women well. Frenchiness is no excuse for comportement sauvage

The next time you see him, be direct; tell him about your feelings and those of your pocketbook, and announce that it’s now his turn to pay for dates. Drive him to a cash machine if you have to. This young man needs to learn now that he can’t get away with this bullshit. Once he's no longer a drain on your wallet, you may go back to draining that lovely French cock.  

— TP

 

So there it is, our first installment of Ask Tipsy Pilgrim, where we take questions from TP readers on important (multi-)cultural issues. Got your own drink, party or love conundrums? Just ask Tipsy Pilgrim.