Cloyingly juiced: Revealing upper-class Brazilian girls’ ultimate cocktail

Brazil’s pineapple-vodka cocktail, the caipiroska de abacaxi, tosses a shudderingly sweet fruit into the classic sugar-loaded Brazilian cocktail: the caipirinha. It tastes like you’re drinking spiked syrup, and, if served in the pineapple itself, the drink gives off an upscale vibe with a dash of savage tropicality.

The standard caipirinha is made from limes, sugar, crushed ice, and cachaça — an often-harsh sugar-cane firewater that compares to rum. While cachaça is prized and expensive in Europe, in Brazil it’s cheap and therefore not usually considered particularly classy (though there is also a small-but-growing taste for elite cachaças marketed by their region, producer, years aged, flavorings, etc.). Upper-class Brazilian girls often won’t touch cachaça, opting instead for caipiroskas (made with vodka) or sometimes, in Japenese-influenced São Paulo, sakerinhas (made with sake).

So, should you find yourself fixing a drink for an upper-class Brazilian girl, here’s what just might be to her taste:

Caipiroska de Abacaxi Recipe

a.k.a. caipivodka no abacaxi, Brazil’s pineapple-vodka cocktail

INGREDIENTS

One ripe pineapple — Smell its butt; it should be sweet but not overripe (fermented). If you press on it, it should be pretty firm and only yield slightly. The idea that removing a leaf from the crown indicates ripeness is a myth; in fact, such a pineapple may be overripe.

Vodka — If making this in the presence of your upper-class Brazilian woman, the vodka should be poured from an expensive-looking bottle, preferably one that is very foreign to whatever part of the world you are currently in.

Crushed ice — Wrap your ice cubes in a towel and bang them against a countertop. Less crushing makes a stronger drink; the more the ice is pulverized, the faster it will melt in your cocktail.

Artificial sweetener — This processed junk has caused cancer scares (it’s currently deemed safe, though who knows what effects will be discovered when it’s been around longer) and it’s been linked to weight gain. It’s popular with Brazilian women, however, who consider it the healthiest palliative for their enormous sweet tooth.

Fresh mint leaves — These are optional, but always wonderful in combination with pineapple. Crush or chop finely and save some whole sprigs for garnish.

Straws — Brazilians love straws; even men usually drink from their beer cans with a straw (it’s considered hygienic). Definitely don’t drink directly out of your pineapple like the gringo in the video.

INSTRUCTIONS

Scalp the pineapple and mash up its brains, removing the core as best you can. Pour in about a half bottle of vodka, the crushed ice, the artificial sweetener and the chopped mint. Mix well. Add the sprig of mint and straw, and serve to your Brazilian lady with a shout of “saúde!” (sa-EW-gee).

Got your own favorite girly Brazilian drinks? Feel free to share them with us in the comments.