Finally: Scientists Say My Nighttime Airborne Upside-Down Sex Romps Make Me Smarter

To clarify the headline; I’m not always upside down when I fly-fuck. Also, as with most popular reporting on scientific studies, I’ve conflated correlation and causation. And finally, just to be absolutely clear, I’m talking about dream sex, i.e., good sex — not the gooey, emotionally fraught, gravity-bound humping of the day-reality.

The nut graph, dears: A new study¹ says enhanced metacognition and enlarged anterior prefrontal cortices (pictured above) are present in lucid dreamers, meaning those who maintain awareness that we’re dreaming and often total control while doing so. Likewise, lucid dreaming, dream-sex, and dream-flying are correlated; I’m not the only one to take advantage of dream-reality omniscience and omnipotence to fly and screw. A separate study² has reported that those are the most popular activities for lucid dreamers, though apparently not everyone has thought of doing them at the same time.

First, the enhanced metacognition part: what does that mean? “Our results indicate that self-reflection in everyday life is more pronounced in persons who can easily control their dreams,” says Elisa Filevich, an author of the first study.³ I can’t say I approve of too much metacognition — reflecting on my reflecting leads to a dark, sad place — but hey, at least science is saying I’m doing something right, and when does that ever happen?

Each evening, the evil, broken nightmare of my girlfriendless day-life fades away and I enter the bright, funny, more tangibly meaningful world of dreams. I’m always autonomous in my dreams, and sometimes I lucid dream.

I discovered lucid dreaming when I was in high school, or rather, that was when I was shocked to find out that many others were not aware when dreaming, and not in control. Unfortunately, I have been lucid dreaming less often as I get older. Decades of reality seem to have sanded away some of my ego’s natural inclination to self-awareness, and its conviction in its omnipotence; I’m much less of a lucid dreamer than I was at age 3, or even 15. But at least I’m still lucky enough to do it.

Flying was always a part of my lucid dreams; I clearly recall flying around the park that my parents were taking me to as a toddler. Rogering sky angels came a bit later; girls have appeared (or are conjured) who are just my type — naked, hovering, smiling, and horny. Their bodies are wet, but they never get sticky.

I have nothing else to say about this. Obviously, I’m not actually much of a meta-cogitator. Honestly, that study might be fucked up. But thanks anyway, science, for the pick-me-up.

1. Metacognitive Mechanisms Underlying Lucid Dreaming, The Journal of Neuroscience, behind an evil academic paywall, goddammit. But there is a good writeup of it available for free.[↩]
2. This study is also behind a paywall, but here is a good article on it.[↩]
3. She is quoted in this writeup.[↩]