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Hacking Brazilian Culture: Magically Transform Your Dear Brazilians into Prompt, Respectful People
Why do Brazilians act the way they do? We don’t know either. But over our decades of dealing with them, we have discovered some strategies for turning our favorite Brazilians into (slightly) more respectful, prompt, and reliable people. We’re not going to claim that you can wave your hands over your favorite Brazilians and turn …
Michael Barbaro Granted First Trademark for an Interjection: “HUM!”
How interesting was Michael Barbaro’s podcast today? Would he deploy his now-trademarked catch-interjection? First, he had to ask a question. “That’s a really interesting question,” responded his guest on queue, followed by measured background from a slightly left-leaning perspective but also acknowledging the truths of the right, as related tangentially to some batshit crazy thing …
The Crucial Factor in Planning Sex Romps with Germans
My first sexy time with a German took place in a closet during a house party in Paris. Then, a year later, a Germanic rogering came to pass in the showers of a Romanian hostel, and a little after that I boinked my third German in a park in Berlin. These, by the way, are the only times I’ve ever had sex …
Our Guide to Pétanque, the French “Sport” of Drinking and Plopping Balls Around in a Dusty Lot
Pétanque (a.k.a. boules) is the French cousin to lawn bowling or bocce, once removed from horseshoes, twice removed from darts. Depending on your perspective, it’s a game of rigor and strategy, or else of standing around and drinking Ricard (a.k.a. pastis, an anise-flavored spirit) or rosé. So we’re somewhere on the midpoint here between chess and beer …
Stop Prioritizing Locals Over Travelers: A Nomad’s Manifesto
“Of course locals should take priority over those traveling through,” says a friend, vis-a-vis city politics. Really? Her assumption is widely shared, even among the most loving, lefty, freedom-and-equality-for-all humanists. So it seems like a good time to question it a bit. Here’s How We Mistreat Nomads I get bored with new claims of victimization; oh how groups …
Tinder: More Useful to Travelers than Couchsurfing or Google Maps?
Road-Tindering gets you into the coffee shops, pants, and hearts of the locals, sure. But the app can also lead you to truly weird adventures in lovely spots that you’d never have found in hours of searches through forums and travel sites. So it is that this rogue nomad has signed up on Tinder — you know, for research purposes, and not due …
How to Make Kuvana Rakija: Comforting Mulled Brandy From Serbia
Winter in Serbia means wild nights in smokey kafanas (taverns) or staying cosy at home with delicious, endless sarma (meat rolled into pickled cabbage). Either way, you’re going to want some mulled brandy too. Here’s how the Serbs make it. If you’re confused and you need a primer on this classy beverage, we have other articles that explain what rakija …
How the Caipirinha Is Ruined Around the World
Everyone loves this Brazilian cocktail, and each culture seems to see a need to ruin it in their own way.
A Great Video of Samba de Gafieira
Samba de gafieira — Brazil’s groovy answer to tango — is a flashy, complicated dance that lends itself to spectacle. There are many videos of performances by outrageously talented professionals online, but this is not one of them. These dancers are talented, but this is not a formal performance with all of the flashy silliness that …
An English Translation of the Samba Rock Classic “Segura a Nega” — “Hang on to Your Girl”
This is Bebeto‘s “Segura a Nega” performed by Clube do Balanço. It is one of the greatest samba rock songs ever performed, and if you have a less-than-perfect command of spoken Brazilian Portuguese, you may be wondering what the hell the lyrics are about. I offer here my translation; the emphasis here is on accuracy in meaning and achieving a …
The Orthodox Caipirinha: The Only Correct Caipirinha Recipe Ever Published on the Internet
The caipirinha is a religion. We hold as articles of faith how the limes should be chopped, how the ice should be crushed, etc., and these beliefs are handed down from one believer to the next, from reveler to reveler, generation to generation. There are denominations and sub-denominations, lapsed believers and absolutists. What has been missing until now …
The One Rule for Seducing the French
It’s understandable that some of you dear readers want to kiss, date, fuck or even marry the French. I discourage it, though; there are so many less complicated and more fun cultures for romance and humping. But I’ve been frequently asked for advice on the topic, and while I have none of my own, I can pass on the …
Finally: Scientists Say My Nighttime Airborne Upside-Down Sex Romps Make Me Smarter
Lucid dreaming means sky-banging, and better self-reflection
The Laws of American Dating, as Explained by the French
Taking a step back to look at the weirdness of dating à l’américaine
Travel Posters Already Being Produced for Exoplanets
NASA and others make travel porn for those feeling constrained by our solar system.
Tango in the Nude and Liters of Lube: Feminist Debauchery Hackers Upend Sex Parties in Brazil
How can sex parties be organized to better prioritize women’s pleasure and comfort?
The Myth of a Hypersexual Brazil
Brazil tends to get pegged as a land of sluts and hedonists. That’s an understandable assumption, but simply not true.
“Sex is a Jungle of Epileptics” — Inside Rita Lee’s Anthem on Love and Sex
Former Os Mutantes singer Rita Lee‘s “Amor e Sexo” is famous enough in Brazil that everyone can sing along, and it’s lovely to see it sung by a crowd — and see how a catchy melody and screwy metaphors can cause a kind of (momentary) mass, chanted acceptance of love- and sex-positivity . I was reminded of the 2003 hit from the “queen …
Paris’ Most Fashionable Plaza Gets a Butt Plug
Erasing the final trace of distinction between modern art and trolling, Paul McCarthy has installed a giant green butt plug in Paris’ most fashionable plaza, the Place Vendôme. The work is called “Tree”, but McCarthy knew every well what he was doing: Un “plug anal” géant installé place Vendôme by lemondefr Predictably, right wing parties are …
On the road: Why I party with elderly locals
The best adventures in foreign lands usually involve locals who have a couple of generations on me. They didn’t learn to dance from MTV, and they haven’t taken up the lowest-common-denominator drinks wrought on the world’s youth by globalization (Heineken, absolut, mojitos, cosmopolitans). These are the locals with stories to tell, cultural wisdom to share. The lame cell-phone photos above …
Another Reason for Catalan Independence: Behold the Most Shit-Obsessed Culture on the Planet
Catalan statehood is in vogue, which leads many to ask: What makes Catalans so different? This blog has previously covered Catalans’ vermut for breakfast, super-hot girls in bad haircuts, screwy sounds, etc., etc., etc. — we’re huge fans. But more than anything, it’s Catalans’ glorification of excrement that proves that they are a truly singular people who deserve their own passports …
Asexual Iowan Face-Sucking, Explained for the Europeans
What to do when you find yourself kissing a hot asexual? And how do you explain apparently randy Iowan asexuality to Europeans?
Exploring Espresso and Brandy: Spain Meets Serbia
How can you bring together Serbia and Spain in a single cocktail? Can/should espresso be combined with some of the most … challenging brandy on the planet? How can I film myself drinking such a manly thing and still come off rather effete?
The Jacqueline
The World’s Sissiest Summer Cocktail of Course Comes from France
Mapping Out the World’s Dicks and Booze
The internet offers somewhat reliable maps on these important subjects
American Sex Columnist Critiques Fellow Writer’s Pissing Style on NYC Street
Writer Christopher Ryan receives an important critique
Major News Outlets Love Breasts, and Lying
The route from masturbatory mapmaking to viral meme to mainstream media coverage
The Horrors of Sex, Pain and the Human Brain
It’s late at night, you’re a gentleman dung beetle, and you’ve packed together a delicious ball of shit. Now, for safe-keeping, you’d like to roll it far, far away from the other feasting critters at the dung pile. If you can do that, you just might be able to convince a lady dung beetle to fuck …
An afternoon of tasting top-notch wine for free in Paris
Tipsy Pilgrim recently attended the Salon des Vins des Vignerons Indépendants — The Independent Winemakers’ Expo in Paris. This cannot be more highly recommended. First, it’s free, or pretty much free. Officially, it will run you €6 (worth it), and that goes down to €3 for students or if you arrive in a group of …
The Best Way to Dance Salsa, Demonstrated in a Shower
A dispatch from our guest expert in elite international living
How French Teenagers Sneak a First Kiss
Believe it or not,[*]. the French go through that same awkward, sexually anxious stage as the rest of us: adolescence. They need strategies, games and excuses to sneak that first kiss. Fortunately, they have oodles; some of the following popular strategies may sound familiar to you, others are uniquely French. 1. “On va pas payer le …
Make gourmet espresso on the cheap — even after the apocalypse
When electricity runs out and the world descends into chaos, you’ll presumably be soaking whatever coffee beans your slave scrounged up in the runoff from a sewer crater. A properly roasted, ground and pressurized espresso will seem a distant luxury. But not so for Nate Miller, who has perfected off-the-grid, gourmet espresso. Nate is an …
The Foodie on a Budget in Paris: The Cutest, Cheapest, Yummiest Spots Off the Tourist Path
Eating in Paris should be all about small, charming restaurants; exquisite chocolates; and bohemian bars — not the standard tourist nightmare of snarling waiters, seven-language menus, and bland food.
Cloyingly juiced: Revealing upper-class Brazilian girls’ ultimate cocktail
The ultra-sweet caipiroska de abacaxi
Vodka-Red Bull is bullshit — opt for the caffeinated cocktail of Spanish sailors
TP is visiting Barcelona this week and just discovered the carajillo, Spain’s espresso/alcoholic shot mix. Oh, carajillo, where have you been all of my life? As with anything worth putting in your mouth, the carajillo is storied. The word supposedly derives from coraje (“courage”) and the tale goes that Spanish sailors in Cuba drank this …
The rare and wonderful things to get drunk on in Catalunya
You’ll recall that in Catalonia, the women are hot, the sailors are drunk, and the grandparents get started on their vermut before noon. I assume, darlings, that you have absorbed this blog’s wisdom quite nearly become Catalans. But how, you ask, scratching your mulleted heads, nervously twisting your pantalons cagats, should we get drunk in …
My Frenchman is a great lay but he’s draining my pocketbook
Dear Tipsy Pilgrim, I am a 32-year-old American woman who has recently taken on a French lover. While his 24 years is quite a blessing in the sack, he’s becoming a bit of a burden to my pocketbook. When we go to dinner or out to a show, he never brings quite enough cash, and …
How to drink while dancing: Traditional Catalan wisdom for prancing drunks
If you’ve read my previous posts, you presumably now have a hot Catalan girlfriend and have mastered drinking wine from your porró, the squirty Catalan wine pitcher. The obvious next step is to dance with your Catalan gal while drinking from your porró. Fortunately, drunken Catalan dancing has a storied past; and I found a literally …
Pour your cocktail over fresh ice — and delve into America’s all-out drink geekery
Certain impending life changes here at TP HQ threaten to make us a bit less American in the coming years, so we’re delighted to start looking at what we love about the fatherland. The new America posts will highlight the world’s brashest, most flamboyantly ignorant and also most creative culture by looking at how these cowgals …
Yes, It's Possible to Flirt with Dutch Men! Expats Living in Amsterdam Reveal Their Secrets
Dutchmen are a challenge, but the rewards are there for those who know how to go after them
Drink proudly on Berlin’s streets and trains, especially if you’re Polish
Berliners tend to get a jump on their after-work drinking; it’s quite common to crack open a beer on the U-bahn train home. Also frequently seen, a little later in the evening: teenagers drinking and vomiting to the swaying of the trains. American and British tourists, meanwhile, go bar-hopping with bottles of taquila in hand, …
How do Brazilians “take beer in the ass”? And, more importantly, is it tasty?
The expression tomar a cerveja na bundinha can be translated as “to drink the beer by its bottom” or, more literally, “to take the beer in the little ass”. It is a challenge for certain young Brazilians to say the expression without giggling; in fact, the drink is probably propagated mainly for the opportunity to ambiguously …
How is samba danced in Brazil’s business capital, São Paulo?
Pauistanos (folks from São Paulo city) are known for being all about stress, fine eating and money. Their street carnival takes a bit of a back seat. The Tipsy editorial board, however, loves to rock the backseat. We took a jaunt down to Sampa during its carnaval, and a few locals showed us their moves.
Sexual conquest is codified into what stages in France, Chile and the USA?
Most cultures have slang for reporting the results of a previous night’s rendez-vous. But the French, Chileans and Americans have actually codified their sexual achievements into numbered levels, much to the distaste of the rest of the world. Of course, each country’s numbering system is different. USA Inappropriately, Americans use their most boring sport, baseball, …
Kissing Brazilians is different: A guide to wet, sloppy romance
The beijo, or Brazilian kiss, is a full-on facial and salival assault. It is used to express attraction, make nearby exes jealous, and to find out if a complete stranger has something stuck in his teeth. It is very frequently performed; in fact, if you spend a night out dancing or in bars and you …
What is beer etiquette in Brazil?
Brazilians hardly consider themselves to be a polite people, but they do love to lecture each other on manners anyhow, especially when drinking. The following are the standard rules for correct consumption of Brazilian beer. 1. A man should pour beer for the ladies. I learned the intricacies of this while drinking with several cariocas …
What Catalan tradition gives us the excuse to drink before lunch?
Lunch happens late in Catalonia, 2pm at the earliest, so you might get a bit thirsty or peckish. Older Catalans, however, will let you in on a wonderful tradition that solves this problem (though it has unfortunately been dying out a bit over the last few decades): fer el vermut, or the hour of the vermouth. …
Brazilian beer is awful. Should I attempt to drink it anyway?
Yes. The major Brazilian beers may be offensively devoid of character, and served estupidamente gelada (extremely, “stupidly” chilled) in the hopes you won’t notice, but drinking beer is an important Brazilian social event with lots of fun rules. How should you choose what to drink? Since all of your options are terrible, the only important …
Brazilian wine is awful. Should I attempt to drink it anyway?
Easy answer: No. Ff you’re in Brazil, you can’t even drink the stuff imported from proper wine countries like Chile or Argentina; upon crossing the Brazilian border it undergoes a mysterious process wherein it is rendered undrinkable (presumably, customs procedure involves leaving the bottles out to bake for a few years in the sun). Opt …
At a polite Albanian dinner, to whom should go the honor of smashing the sheep’s skull with his fist? And what is the etiquette guide for such conundrums?
Turn to the Kanun, the oral tradition of Albanian law that was codified in the 1500s and whose roots go back possibly to the Bronze Age. First set down in print and published as a handy reference in the early 1900s, it provides guidance on, for example: The etiquette of dinnertime sheep debraining An appropriate …
What are the medicinal uses of rakija (Serbian brandy)?
None, according to reputable doctors. Reputable Serbian grandparents, however, prescribe rakija for the following conditions: Toothache Heartburn Stomach ache Sore throat Depression Menstrual cramps Anxiety To make a newborn baby boy more of a man (only feed him a few drops) Help babies fall asleep (let them suck on a rakija-soaked finger) Disinfectant Pretty much anything …
Why does everything I drink remind me of murder?
People living on these lands have been dominated by murderous foreign powers for longer than they’ve even considered themselves Albanian. They’ve also gotten most of their ideas about what makes for good social drinks from these same powers. The result: some very disturbing associations with each drink, as below. Popular Drinks in Albania Associated Atrocity …
What are the best places to kiss and roger your loved one on the streets of Paris?
It is common to want to turn every moment in Paris into a Robert Doisneaux tableau. But location can be everything. We at Tipsy HQ have sacrificed our honor over the years to determine the best spots for P.D.A. à la parisienne. They are: 1. THE SACRED HEART BASILICA OF MONTMARTRE, 2 AM Yes, the …
Become a connoisseur of fine Serbian rakija
So you’d like to come across as a connoisseur of fine rakija, the brandy of the Balkans, nationalism in a bottle. First, we’ll talk about what you’re drinking, then how to be a snob about it. 1. What type of rakija is it? Rakijas are generally named for the Serbian word for the fruit they …
How do Catalan sailors take their rum?
On fire. Catalan sailors have brought a lot of rum back from Cuba over the last few centuries, and tradition dictates celebrating sailors’ return with a beach party fueled by the cremat, Catalonia’s flaming caffeinated rum cocktail. Folks crowd the beach, sing songs called havaneres (also of Cuban import, though with Catalan lyrics) and dance, waving white handkerchiefs over …
I want to continue my gluttony, but my stomach is saying it’s full.
The fine folk of Normandy have a solution: the trou normand, or Norman break. In the midst of a decadent, endless-course meal (especially during holidays), les normands are known to take a pause with a small glass of the region’s aged apple-juice brandy, calvados. This supposedly helps to reset digestion and enables one to take …
I don’t feel like drinking, but I’ve just been offered a glass of raki by a boisterous group of Albanians. What is about to happen?
You are about to get extremely drunk. You cannot refuse a glass of raki. Doing so is considered extremely rude. You must at the very least drink a little bit. But of course, that’s just the beginning. The group will likely have already selected its krye dolli bash, or the leader of the drinking. …
What is the most classic place to lose my virginity?
Useful for fans of public fornication, and an absolute classic for first-timers escaping from the watchful eyes of their families, the concrete bunkers strewn over the Albanian countryside are infamous outdoor sex spots. The former dictator Enver Hoxha established 750,000 of these indestructible domed love nests in the ’70s and ’80s, far more than could …
What has the government done on behalf the Comédie Française to stomp out its competitors?
The Comédie Française, the oldest national theater in the world, is an actor-centered company that has produced some of the world’s greatest talent (e.g. Adrienne Lecouvreur, Sarah Bernhardt, Jean-Louis Barrault). It has not, however, always succeeded on its merits alone: Year Action Result 1680 Louis XIV combines the two extant acting companies to create the …
It’s five in the morning, we’re on fire, and the party is still rolling. What should we do?
Start chopping onions. For the fêtards (partiers) who make it until the wee hours, French tradition stipulates that you whip up a soupe à l’oignon (onion soup). Salty and very delicious after a long night of dancing and drinking, this is the quintessential end to a long soirée. For some reason, foreigners think of this …
How can we all get sloshed from the same pitcher without getting cooties?
Welcome to the porró, the traditional Catalan wine carafe that gives you all of the pleasure and convenience of drinking from a squirt gun. A porró is a little like a glass watering can; there’s an opening in the top where it is filled, and a long snout that tapers to a small opening — when you tip …